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love & friendship

Making Good Friends

Looking to build new friendships? These tips can help you lot see people, starting time a conversation, and cultivate healthy connections that volition amend your life and well-being.

Why are friends then of import?

Our gild tends to place an accent on romantic relationships. Nosotros think that just finding that right person will make u.s. happy and fulfilled. Just inquiry shows that friends are actually fifty-fifty more important to our psychological welfare. Friends bring more happiness into our lives than virtually anything else.

Friendships have a huge impact on your mental health and happiness. Proficient friends relieve stress, provide condolement and joy, and prevent loneliness and isolation. Developing close friendships can also take a powerful impact on your physical health. Lack of social connection may pose as much of a chance equally smoking, drinking too much, or leading a sedentary lifestyle. Friends are even tied to longevity. One Swedish study found that, along with physical activity, maintaining a rich network of friends can add together significant years to your life.

Just close friendships don't just happen. Many of us struggle to meet people and develop quality connections. Whatever your historic period or circumstances, though, it's never too late to make new friends, reconnect with old ones, and greatly improve your social life, emotional health, and overall well-being.

The benefits of friendships

While developing and maintaining friendships takes time and attempt, salubrious friendships can:

Meliorate your mood. Spending time with happy and positive friends tin elevate your mood and boost your outlook.

Help yous to reach your goals. Whether you're trying to get fit, surrender smoking, or otherwise improve your life, encouragement from a friend tin actually heave your willpower and increment your chances of success.

Reduce your stress and depression. Having an active social life tin can bolster your allowed system and help reduce isolation, a major contributing factor to low.

Back up you through tough times. Even if it'south just having someone to share your problems with, friends can help y'all cope with serious illness, the loss of a job or loved one, the breakup of a relationship, or whatever other challenges in life.

Support you every bit you age. As you age, retirement, disease, and the death of loved ones tin often leave y'all isolated. Knowing in that location are people you can turn to for company and support can provide purpose as you age and serve as a buffer against depression, disability, hardship and loss.

Heave your self-worth. Friendship is a 2-mode street, and the "requite" side of the give-and-take contributes to your ain sense of self-worth. Being in that location for your friends makes yous experience needed and adds purpose to your life.

Why online friends aren't plenty

Engineering has shifted the definition of friendship in recent years. With the click of a push, we can add together a friend or make a new connexion. Just having hundreds of online friends is not the same as having a close friend you can spend time with in person. Online friends tin can't hug you when a crunch hits, visit you when you're ill, or gloat a happy occasion with you. Our almost important and powerful connections happen when we're face-to-face. So go far a priority to stay in touch in the real earth, not just online.

What to look for in a friend

A friend is someone yous trust and with whom y'all share a deep level of agreement and communication. A good friend will:

• Show a genuine interest in what'due south going on in your life, what you accept to say, and how you think and feel.
• Have y'all for who you are.
• Listen to you attentively without judging you, telling you how to recall or feel, or trying to change the subject.
• Feel comfortable sharing things about themselves with y'all.

As friendship works both ways, a friend is as well someone you feel comfy supporting and accepting, and someone with whom you share a bond of trust and loyalty.

Focus on the way a friendship feels, not what it looks like

The most important quality in a friendship is the way the relationship makes you feel—not how it looks on newspaper, how alike you seem on the surface, or what others think. Ask yourself:

• Exercise I feel better after spending time with this person?
• Am I myself around this person?
• Do I feel secure, or do I feel like I have to watch what I say and exercise?
• Is the person supportive and am I treated with respect?
• Is this a person I tin can trust?

The lesser line: if the friendship feels good, it is expert. But if a person tries to control y'all, criticizes you, abuses your generosity, or brings unwanted drama or negative influences into your life, information technology'southward time to re-evaluate the friendship. A good friend does not crave you to compromise your values, e'er concur with them, or disregard your own needs.

Tips for being more friendly and social (even if y'all're shy)

If you are introverted or shy, it can feel uncomfortable to put yourself out there socially. Simply y'all don't have to exist naturally outgoing or the life of the party to brand new friends.

Focus on others, not yourself. The key to connecting to other people is by showing involvement in them. When yous're truly interested in someone else's thoughts, feelings, experiences, and opinions, it shows—and they'll like yous for information technology. You'll brand far more friends by showing your involvement rather than trying to become people interested in you. If you're not genuinely curious well-nigh the other person, then end trying to connect.

[Read: Dealing with Loneliness and Shyness]

Pay attention. Switch off your smartphone, avert other distractions, and make an endeavour to truly heed to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you lot'll rapidly get to know them. Modest efforts go a long fashion, such as remembering someone's preferences, the stories they've told you, and what's going on in their life.

Evaluating interest

Friendship takes two, so it's important to evaluate whether the other person is looking for new friends.

• Practice they ask you questions almost you, every bit if they'd like to get to know you lot meliorate?
• Do they tell you things about themselves beyond surface minor talk?
• Do they requite you their full attending when you run across them?
• Does the other person seem interested in exchanging contact information or making specific plans to get together?

If you tin't respond "yes" to these questions, the person may non be the all-time candidate for friendship now, even if they genuinely like you. There are many possible reasons why non, and so don't take it personally!

How to make new friends: Where to start

We tend to make friends with people nosotros cross paths with regularly: people we go to school with, work with, or live close to. The more nosotros run across someone, the more likely a friendship is to develop. So, look at the places you frequent as you start your search for potential friends.

Another big factor in friendship is common interests. We tend to be fatigued to people who are similar, with a shared hobby, cultural background, career path, or kids the same age. Recollect virtually activities you enjoy or the causes you care about. Where can you lot meet people who share the aforementioned interests?

Meeting new people

When looking to encounter new people, effort to open yourself upward to new experiences. Not everything you lot endeavour will lead to success but you can always learn from the feel and hopefully accept some fun.

Volunteering tin can exist a swell way to help others while also meeting new people. Volunteering also gives you the opportunity to regularly practice and develop your social skills.

[Read: Volunteering and its Surprising Benefits]

Take a grade or join a social club to meet people with common interests, such as a book group, dinner lodge, or sports team. Websites such as Meetup.com can aid you find local groups (or start your own) and connect with others who share like interests.

Connect with your alumni association. Many colleges have alumni associations that meet regularly. You already have the college feel in common; bringing upward old times makes for an easy conversation starter. Some associations likewise sponsor community service events or workshops where you can meet more people.

Walk a domestic dog. Canis familiaris owners often stop and conversation while their dogs sniff or play with each other. If dog ownership isn't right for you lot, volunteer to walk dogs from a shelter or a local rescue group.

Attend art gallery openings, book readings, lectures, music recitals, or other community events where yous can meet people with similar interests. Check with your library or local newspaper for events near y'all.

Behave like someone new to the area. Even if yous've lived in the same place all your life, accept the time to re-explore your neighborhood attractions. New arrivals to whatsoever town or city tend to visit these places first—and they're often keen to meet new people and establish friendships, too.

Cheer on your team. Going to a bar alone can seem intimidating, merely if yous support a sports team, notice out where other fans become to watch the games. You automatically have a shared interest—your squad—which makes it natural to start up a conversation.

Take a moment to unplug

It'due south difficult to see new people in any social situation if yous're more interested in your phone than the people around you. Remove your headphones and put your smartphone away while you lot're in the checkout line or waiting for a motorbus, for case. Making eye contact and exchanging pocket-sized talk with strangers is neat practise for making connections—and yous never know where it may lead!

Turning acquaintances into friends

We all have acquaintances in our life—people we exchange small talk with as we go about our day or trade jokes or insights with online. While these relationships can fulfill yous in their ain right, with some endeavour, you can turn a casual acquaintance into a truthful friend.

The first step is to open up upwards a little about yourself. Friendships are characterized by intimacy. True friends know about each other'southward values, struggles, goals, and interests. Then, try sharing something a fiddling bit more personal than you would normally. You don't have to reveal your almost closely-held hush-hush, just something a little more than revealing than talking about the weather or something you watched on Telly and run across how the other person responds. Do they seem interested? Practice they reciprocate by disclosing something nigh themselves?

Other tips for strengthening an associate into a friend:

Invite a casual acquaintance out for a beverage or to a moving-picture show. Lots of other people experience just as uncomfortable well-nigh reaching out and making new friends every bit you practice. Be the one to break the water ice. Take the first footstep and reach out to a neighbor or piece of work colleague, for case—they volition thank you later.

Carpool to work. Many companies offer carpool programs. If your employer doesn't, simply inquire a colleague if they'd like to share rides. Spending regular time together is a great manner to get to know others meliorate and offers the opportunity for uninterrupted and deeper conversation.

Track downwards former friends via social media. Information technology's easy to lose track of friends when yous move or change jobs, for case. Brand the try to reconnect and then turn your "online" friends into "existent-world" friends by meeting upwards for coffee instead of chatting on Facebook or Twitter.

Overcoming obstacles to making friends

Is something stopping y'all from building the friendships you'd like to accept? Hither are some common obstacles—and how you lot can overcome them.

If you're too decorated…

Developing and maintaining friendships takes time and effort, only even with a packed schedule, you can find ways to make the fourth dimension for friends.

Put it on your calendar. Schedule time for your friends just as you would for errands. Go far automated with a weekly or monthly standing appointment. Or simply make sure that you never exit a get-together without setting the adjacent engagement.

Mix concern and pleasure. Effigy out a way to combine your socializing with activities that you have to do anyway.  These could include going to the gym, getting a pedicure, or shopping. Errands create an opportunity to spend time together while even so being productive.

Group it. If you truly don't take time for multiple one-on-one sessions with friends, set upwards a grouping go-together. It's a good style to innovate your friends to each other. Of course, you'll need to consider if anybody'southward compatible showtime.

If y'all're afraid of rejection…

Making new friends ways putting yourself out there, and that can exist scary. It'south especially intimidating if you lot're someone who'south been betrayed, traumatized, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure zipper bail. But by working with the right therapist, you tin can explore means to build trust in existing and hereafter friendships.

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For more than general insecurities or a fear of rejection, it helps to evaluate your attitude. Do you experience equally if any rejection volition haunt you forever or bear witness that you're unlikeable or destined to be friendless? These fears get in the way of making satisfying connections and get a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody likes to be rejected, simply at that place are healthy ways to handle it:

• Just considering someone isn't interested in talking or hanging out doesn't automatically mean they're rejecting you as a person. They may exist decorated, distracted, or have other things going on.
• If someone does reject y'all, that doesn't mean that you lot're worthless or unlovable. Peradventure they're having a bad day. Peradventure they misread you or misinterpreted what you said. Or peradventure they're just non a nice person!
• Yous're non going to similar everyone you run across, and vice versa. Like dating, building a solid network of friends tin can be a numbers game. If you're in the habit of regularly exchanging a few words with strangers yous encounter, rejections are less likely to hurt. There'due south e'er the adjacent person. Focus on the long-term goal of making quality connections, rather than getting hung upward on the ones that didn't pan out.
• Continue rejection in perspective. Information technology never feels good, but it'southward rarely every bit bad equally you imagine. It's unlikely that others are sitting around talking about it. Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself credit for trying and see what you can learn from the experience.

For meliorate friendships, be a better friend yourself

Making a new friend is only the outset of the journey. Friendships have time to grade and fifty-fifty more time to deepen, and then you need to nurture that new connection.

Be the friend that you would similar to have. Treat your friend just as y'all want them to treat y'all. Exist reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.

Be a good listener. Be prepared to listen to and back up friends just equally you want them to listen to and support you.

Give your friend space. Don't be too clingy or needy. Everyone needs space to be alone or spend time with other people likewise.

Don't set besides many rules and expectations. Instead, allow your friendship to evolve naturally. You're both unique individuals and then your friendship probably won't develop exactly every bit you expect.

Be forgiving. No one is perfect and every friend will make mistakes. No friendship develops smoothly so when there's a bump in the road, endeavor to find a mode to overcome the problem and motility on. It volition oft deepen the bail betwixt you.

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Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm